Blogging without a reason

So Devin was over last night and we were talking about our blogs.
I realize I've neglected it.
Not that I haven't had anything to talk about, Just I've been writing in a journal because, I'm so busy I never have time to sit and Type something, and I can always write during school and stuff... So yeh.. well this was basically just to blog again...


Dont be a slut ..
Peace!

competition for what?

Friendship shouldn't be a competition.
So why does it feel that way?
It never used to.
And when I bring it up or try to explain they all get mad and act like I'm crazy.
They really don't see it do they?
They don't know how I feel.
They think its paranoia ... It's not!
She acts like She knows them better than I do...
She thinks they will be friends forever.
They were my friends first.
She wasn't in the picture ... neither of them were.
I've done everything I can for them and I just feel unappreciated or pushed aside.
I feel replaced, Retired, thrown out.
Although that may be the case.... I can't help but feeling that way.
Jealousy all the time...
Who wants that? I don't!
But its there.
eating away at me... It makes me not want to talk to her...
But she is my friend too... why is it a competition... They were mine first... You're second not me.
Ugh this is dumb.
It's our last year...
We should be together enjoying it...

because next year, there will be others... we will be seperate, and nothing will be the same.

Ughh

Two words.......

Feelings suck!

Your Beauty IS calm and clear

He's so Beautiful... he doesn't even realize When i'm staring at him... it's not because he's doing something weird, or has something on his face... It's because I'm amazing by him... His strong bold features...

Those Blue eyes filled with love.

That perfect smile glowing bright

His Sharp expressions Particular and Perfect

oh he takes my breath away!

I could stare for hours....

I love to touch his face

rub my hands across his head...

touch those lips to mine...

Ugh

He's beautiful He doesnt even realize... He amazes me!

Lucky me :D

the ups and downs of summer 08

Ohh summer time... Sweet sweet summertime!

Well.... I'm starting to think I waisted a little more of my summer then planned.

I am in Utah right now, I've been here since June 24th and I won't be leaving until August 20th.

It hasn't been The trip I thought It would be.

I've spent most of my days here at my cousins house bored watching movies over and over, and then running. I went to the park a few times and played soccer... but It's mostly consisted of movies.

I did however, get to see cameron =]

after about a month of waiting he had enough money to come see me in Provo!

He was only going to stay for a few days but ended up staying for a week!

oh it was amazing =]

My uncle Mike was really rude to cameron though. Cameron would try to make conversation with him more than once and my uncle would just walk away... It really made me mad.

So cameron and I decided that I would go To Idaho with him when He drove back home.

The day we were going to leave my uncle John took us to Yuba lake to go waverunning!

It was so much fun! and my uncle John is extremely nice to cameron and way cool!

After waverunning we left for Idaho... and Oh my gosh I'm in LOVE with Idaho!

It's completely plain and completely Different from anywhere I've ever been!

I love it so much! there is usually not much to do but Just being there is enough! Oh man!

I got to experience Driving out to the desert in a pickup truck and shooting at jackrabbits! There are so many stars at night when you're out in the desert!

Camerons family is awesome and way fun to be around!

I didn't want to come back to Provo!

and ever since I have I've wanted to go back to Idaho!

I miss cameron alot! It was so fun being with him in his hometown and Just being with him in general!

this summer I also got a job at Victorias secret at the Provo Towne center which is jsut the name of the mall.

haha That job was.... annoying ... needless to say I miss Ruby Tuesday!

and I no longer have that job because I didn't care enough about it to call in or anything I just missed 4 shifts apparently But i dont care they barely worked me anyways!

I think I worked one day actually on the floor... I seemed to be their Maitnence person there for a while!

So now I've got 2 weeks left in Utah and Im spending it watching movies, Working out, Trying to get my butt on a Strict diet like earlier in the year, reading, and now making hemp jewelry... yeah I know... hemp haha

I'm excited to see my friends again in two weeks! and My uncle john is going to take me dirtbiking and waverunning a few more times before I leave! so

I guess this summer isn't a complete waist.... just I am tired of watching movies!!!

hahaha

but It was a good experience over all =]

I am excited for this school year to start!

SENIOR YEAR BABY!!!

WATCH OUT!!!

So what's holding you back?

Isn't it annoying when you have this best friend, and She ignores you when she is around other people, Blows you off for new people, and then when shes around those people and shes not ignoring you, you almost don't want to be around her because she acts totally different. I hate that. and it seems like my best friend is doing that alot lately. I haven't even had the time to talk to her about it. I mean even the weekend I was staying at her house she blew me off for her other friends, I was at her house with her family bored while she left and went with her other friends. I mean I don't care that she has other friends, I like those people too, I just hate how she can't include me or she can't Stay to her word when she says we are going to hang out. That's messed up if you already have someone at your house and then you leave them to go hang out with your other friends. maybe invite her along? or invite them over or tell them you cant hang out. I would never have done that to her. I also feel like she's getting this attitude that's like "I'm a senior so I'm better than you." which is BS and that's how she acts when shes around them, only its starting to stick. I just don't feel like she's being a good best friend right now. I feel like i have to remind her that we are best friends and then shes like... "oh yeah duh!"... but not really. Ugh I don't know it's really been bothering me lately and I almost just want to quit trying... but that would be dumb, I need to talk to her about it. If there was ever time for me... we'll see... ugh

Media Center Blog

Well it's my favorite time of the school year...
Sol's...
ugh ....NOT!
so naturally I'm here in the "Media Center" which is just another word for Library... and I'm taking my practice SOL...
Luckily my teacher is new to this whole concept and doesn't realize that the practice Sol's are past Sol's and that you can click this button and get the answer... and then answer the problem...
needless to say... I got a REALLY good grade.
=]
So I won the privileges of surfing the web.
so I thought I would grace my Blogger audience with my oh so exciting life....
hahaha
I'm a dork.
So I'm so excited for this weekend.
My parents will be in Pennsylvania visiting my dying great grandmothers... while I'm here with my friends... and my car.. step brother (who's over 21)n watching the house =]
PARTY TIME!
no I seriously doubt that ... but it will be fun to come and go whenever without having to ask my parents and just being with my friends all weekend...
It's kind of sad that I have to look forward to the freedom of going wherever whenever... but when you live with the kind of parents .... well step dad I do, it seems to take that kind of turn.
which is one of the reasons I'm way excited about Utah this summer!
along with seeing my family, my love, and having a great time RAY FREE!
=]
ugh life will be amazing.
also, working out daily, soccer, getting tan, and wave running add to the excitement as well.
=]
Oh man I can't wait.
we have like 32 days of school left =]
It's sad in a way but also exciting.
I will miss my friends this summer alot. and I'm afraid that we will all change so much and things won't be the same... but then there is a part of me that is saying.. "you retard they are your best friends it wont change."
so we will see.
I'm really excited to see Cameron.
I miss him alot.
It's been harder than ever lately because its getting closer and closer to the time I get to see him.
I really hope my aunt and uncle aren't Nazi about him coming to visit me in Provo, and about me going to stay with him in Idaho for a while... we will see.
They don't have legal guardianship over me... so technically I could do what I want... the only problem is... I don't want to ever disappoint them.
I'm sure it will all work out though =] My aunt Lori is pretty cool about those kinds of things... I mean they let Cameron come at like 3 in the morning the first time I ever met him, and Let me go on a date with him, so I'm pretty sure they will be cool with it.
The end of the school year is pretty much the only thing I have to look forward to right now.
Prom was 2 weeks ago... Wow was it really that long ago?
hmm yep it was.
It was alot of fun!
minus the fact that my hair looked like crap, and I didn't get as drunk as I wanted to... It was still lots of fun.
everyone looked amazing, and we have a million pictures to prove it. most of which all look the exact same only minor differences...We took ALOT of pictures.
Dancing was extremely fun! I danced with everyone! and my legs surprisingly didn't hurt afterwards... I think I have all those hours at the gym to thank for that =]
After prom was pretty fun too, for a little while. We only stayed like an hour.
There was SO MUCH FOOD!
then we went back to my house and got drunk... well everyone else did... I just got way buzzed. I spent the rest of my night/morning staying up with Stefan while he puked everything he had eaten and drank that night. That was awesome!
but yeah all in all it was alot of fun =]
I missed Cameron alot though, it will be good to have him here for Prom next year.
He's graduating this Friday =]
aw I'm so proud...
I don't think he really cares too much about it but I am excited for him.
I wish I was graduating....
but now he can get a job and work and get a house, and I can come stay with him in the summer.
It will be good.
He decided recently that he wants to go to Idaho state... which is awesome because that was on my list of schools to consider.... of course It's not like I have the GPA to get into any college I want...but I could get into Idaho state. =]
that would be cool.
Well I think I've blabbed about my non-eventful life long enough... plus the bell is about to ring.. I get to go turn in my tissues for extra credit in math class... because god knows I need all the extra credit I can get!!!
Ah Summer come soon!

Why do I have to complicate things?

Woman's nature...to want to be loved, and be told shes beautiful, the women always want to be with him all the time, and tell him everything because she knows that He will always care.....
Ugh I have that! why do I have to be so retarded! I seem to always turn the Mood from fun, happy, smiley.. to Sad, mad, and frustrated... and I know neither of us like that mood... who does?
but for some reason... I always have to make it that way!
I really don't mean to.
I don't even realize when it's happening... I just notice after the "bomb has been dropped".
Ugh
I just want it to be like it was before... I want my mind to stop steering into all these directions that it's been forced into before..
Just because the guys before lied, and only said things so I would be more vulnerable.. does not mean he is!
I know this!
why does my mind keep blowing everything out of proportion...
god...
I just need to be with him.

This place is in no way "Home".

I really cannot wait to leave this place... at all!

ugh! I don't understand why my parents decided to move back to this place!

The only good thing about here are my friends... If I didn't have them... you better believe I would not be here right now. I would be in Utah where I belong, and I would be able to see Cameron on weekends, I would be partying with Rick, and my cousins and my friends out there, and I would always have something to do!

Ugh! And best of all I wouldn't live with RAY!

god he is such an asshole!

seriously there are some days where I'm like "eh it will be alright to stay one more year" and then others where I wish tomorrow was graduation!

God I don't understand its just ridiculous!

He bitches to me about everything!

ugh

I'm still seriously thinking about moving to Utah this summer, like just staying out there... we will see though... I don't know I want to, but then I also will miss my friends terribly, and I wouldn't graduate with them... and I kind of want to graduate with the people I've known since I started school in this god awful place!

but then, I also want to leave here and be free, and see Cameron, and enjoy myself so much more, and not have to worry about stupid things! like "is my room clean enough for ray? Will ray get mad if i take the car here? don't let ray know I stopped somewhere else when I told him i was just going to pick up Caroline!!" Ughhh!

I cannot wait until I go to Utah this summer it will be the best vacation ever!

and this winter I plan on going to Idaho and staying all of break!

and then in the spring Cameron will come here for a few months and get his OWN apartment and by then I'll be 18 and I can legally move out for good, and we will stay in Loserburg until I graduate and then move out west to Idaho together and be happy and never have to come back ever <3>

Life will be so much better in 2009

ugh alcohol

Never in my life did I ever think my family could ruin the fun of getting drunk... well I was wrong... I have a full glass of Peach Schnopps mixed with some orange juice and I've only drank like 5 sips... my family has had their fair share and they made me never want to finish my glass...ever... ugh... I was downstairs watching the new episode of degrassi since Bre didnt want to come over, and there is nothing else to do.. I was casually sipping on my drink.. the episode ended so i decided to come upstairs and see who was online... well i come upstairs to my brother running to the bathroom with coke all over his mouth and chest my mom holding her crotch trying to run to her bathroom as she laughs hyserically and mcquaid screaming trying to go outside to pee off the porch the whole time rays sitting there with cards going "OH MY GOD WHAT A BUNCH OF IDIOTS" and of course its slurrred when he says it... ugh I want to leave.. they are soo annoying UGHH!!! and chad has to say hes hammerd every 6 min. god this is annoying... so im stricktly only drinking with my friends from now on...

4-11-08

It seems that I get worse and worse at writing in my blog. It could be the fact that my life really hasn't given me any reason to. It's April.. and As of now my life is mostly.. work, soccer games, school, talking to cameron, hanging with friends, and prom.. which is next weekend. and today I get to cross out all of those things because I am home sick. ... for the third day this week. ugh I hate throwing up its horrible.. and to make things worse my right boob hurts in this one spot and I don't understand why... Ugh but anyways I have a huge urge to go work out..but I can't even if I was healthy enough to I couldn't because My car has just been towed to get the whole steering column replaced... and to think it all started with a rejection sticker due to my air bag light never going off.... uhhh luckily though, i don't have to pay for it.. which surprises me because lately I've had to pay for everything! oh well.. I think after prom is over it wont be so stressful to make sure i have lots of money in the bank. I'm also saving for my trip to Utah as well.. Ive got like $235.00 and some change.. which is decent... it would be Way better if I had been saving all year like I said I would... oh well I'll just have to stick some tips in there too. anyways So I can't talk to Cameron until Monday night.. which is weird because we've never gone a day without talking.... ever... since like July... its weird and honestly it's not really weird until its like 11 at night because that's when I'm ALWAYS on the phone with him.. and now I just read and go to bed.. but I'm living obviously and its not that hard. plus I'm excited to hear about his trip when he gets back. He went to Utah to this place called "5-mile" and its an ATV trail that goes for five miles.. (go figure) and they go up there every year and spend a few days camping out and stuff. I think it sounds like tons of fun! He said he'd take me one year =] but yeah.. I would have to get good at riding first... Man I'm so ready for summer... school pisses me off. and I need to leave Lynchburg... ugh I want to run every morning and night with my aunt, I want to go wave running at Yuba lake, I want to play soccer On the perfect green grass in front of the temple with my cousins, I want to hike up to the "Y" on the mountain.. ugh and I want to see Cameron! man this summer will be sooo amazing! wow I'm completely rambling this blog entry has no meaning... and honestly I'm tired of typing... so this is the end... it had to come sooner or later right?

I dont understand

I don't understand why parents feel the need to have so many pointless rules.

Do they honestly think they make us better people? and Do they think that Just because they set these rules that we are going to suddenly agree with everything they say and be the perfect children someday...

Reality Check.. That NEVER happens! so why do they continue to try!

Have they not noticed that giving a child a bit more room makes us more willing to listen to you and to cooperate...? DUH!

pointless rules makes us want to Rebel more and more... get it? kinda like you did when you were our age.

Yeah, you weren't always perfect! You messed up and made mistakes... and guess what you learned from them didn't you?

I think it's time to let me learn from my own mistakes... I'm old enough now to not have a freaking curfew of 10 and Just because its a school night doesn't mean it has to be the most boring night ever!

I'm old enough to go out and do stuff at night and still get my stuff done, and be able to wake up in the morning... I do it all the time when I work don't I? It's kinda the same thing....

GOD parents just need to realize that they aren't always right .. GOD they piss me off!

pictures are worth a thousand.. feelings?

Everyone knows the saying "pictures are worth a thousand words".

which is true, they are.

However,

to me, pictures don't just tell a story, they make me feel things.

I know that whenever I look at a picture from utah, or a picture i've taken with my friends, or any picture... the first thing I notice is how the picture makes me feel.

I was going through some pictures from when Cameron was here,

and it made me feel closer to him.

I felt like he was right here,

feeling the same thing with me.

It sounds kind of crazy but that's how it makes me feel.

It's like I could almost lean forward and kiss him,

or reach out and rub his hair.

I love to stare into his amazing blue eyes.

The pictures are what I have to be close to him.

They remind me of the great times we had.

And yes while they make me feel this way, they also make me remember the stories we have behind the pictures.

It's almost like a movie running through my head.

I love it.

I find myself looking at those pictures alot.

If only we could reach through the pictures and be together again, If only I could rub his hair, or kiss his lips.

unfortunatly that's not possible.

The pictures are better than nothing <3

anxiety

I am Anxious....

Anxious to be with him.

I want to hold him, Love him, kiss him, feel him, see him.

I need his touch, his love, his kisses.

I need his comfort.

I want him now.

My anxiety keeps getting stronger... I want summer to be here.

I want to be there with him, I never want to leave him again.

Ugh this sucks.

It's torture....

I think about him all the time. I love thinking about him.

His perfect face, amazing eyes, and loving smile.

I love his sense of humor, and the way he gets all worked up =)

I love everything about him.

I'm so anxious to see him.

5 months......

this is when I wouldn't mind time to fly.

The birds and the bees '08 style

Ha so every kid goes through the whole "birds and the bees talk". parents usually start when you're like ten and then they give it to you again when you start dating.. and sometimes just randomly....
Well The other day my mom and I went to Panera for lunch because I got out of school early due to exams. After panera we went to the bank because my mom had to deposit a whole dollar so that she wouldnt bounce a check ... shes kinda bad with money ahaha.
anyways...
so I decided since it was just the two of us I should tell her my plans for after I graduate.
I told her that I planned on moving out west to live with Cameron in his house, and I would just go to school out there.
her reply.... "Why don't you guys just get married?" (no sarcasm)
she was totally serious
and I know this beacuse she soon started talking about how she wanted to do my flowers, and how that would give her an excuse to go out west, and How we should get married and have sex rather than just live together and have sex Oh but make sure Im on the pill........
thats when I put on the breaks. There were Three things wrong with the direction this conversation was going.
One: who said anything about sex?
Two: your telling your soon to be 17 year old daughter to go get married.
Three: Birthcontrol?!
Wow I thought my mom had hit her head.
She then got into this huge thing about how she knows me and cameron love eachother, and how we know eachother better than anyone. and how it only makes sense that we get married...
personally... I plan to wait...
lol
it was weird.... but interesting..
haah mom...

I want my life back

ugh, I'm so tired of being here.

I'm tired of alot of the people here, and I'm tired of my parents.

I'm tired of being away from you.

I want to be with my family, I want to be where I belong.

I can't wait to leave this place.. and say goodbye to everything that I've had to put up with for the past 13 years.

I just want to be my own person, do what I want to do.

Sure that sounds immature and juvenile.. but i don't care.

everyone wants independence.

I am just so much happier out there than here.

I feel so trapped here.

I never wanted to leave.

I've wanted to go back since I left.

February 19, 2009 needs to come fast.

I don't hate everything and everyone out here.

I love my friends.

I wouldn't be able to live without them.

Everything just feels so aggravating.. ugh I just can't even put the feeling into words.

I miss him, i miss my family, I miss being free, I miss not having parents there to set dumb rules that serve no purpose but to make them feel more powerful.

I hate my step dad.

I hate not being able to sleep in my own room.

I just want My life lived MY way.

that's all.

UGH Teenage years... Ill miss them when they're over...

but for now....

I don't care much for them.

A few things about you

So I don't understand why you like hurting peoples feelings? You talk about Peace and love and everyone getting along, but then you go and hurt people without caring, you leave people in the cold and don't think twice about what you've just done.

You're selfish. Always thinking of Numero uno. You act as though your this great guy that gets along with everyone. Your a hippy, no wait your hardcore... oh but yesterday you were just a film maker from Texas that liked to play lacrosse, your dads a preacher but until recently, there is no such thing as god. Your against war and you think enslaving children is wrong, yet you tell people you would like to bring a child from Cambodia just to make you tacos!? You can never tell anyone how you feel and mean it, yet say it in a normal way. Life isn't a song, its not a poem and not everything can be told that way so stop trying to make it work.

Yes your still a good friends you just have a few personal issues to work out. We miss the old you, the one that was caring and nice and didn't try to change for other people. The one who knew what he wanted, and didn't really care what anyone thought about it.. yet wasn't rude about it. I'm not the only one who sees this, your other friends see it too. We all miss the old you. That one week wasn't what changed you. You've been different since the beginning of this year. You gradually get worse.

Before, we kind of just put up with it... but now that you've affected our group of friends to the point where one little thing as dumb as "not being able to come over" sets off an explosion of emotion she was holding inside her. Pain and anger you caused her. we all know you made a dumb choice. and though you agree, I don't think you really do. I think you don't care about what you did to her. you don't care how awkward you have made getting together with everyone. You are still just thinking about yourself and what you have on your mind. You don't care that you hurt her. She tells you how she feels and you just act like a 3 year old getting told to do something over and over. We all know it's never hard for you to understand things... you live for music and lyrics, you spend all your time writing poetry about EVERYTHING. so not understanding something as simple as "I miss YOU not what we did" , or "who you were before is not who you are now" would be an invalid excuse.

You don't really have an excuse. so stop your acting stop acting like it affects you so deeply. who are you fooling? not us, we know you really don't think twice about it. You're happier not having an amazing relationship that "blew your mind" for some fantasy that's never going to happen.

Yeah you did screw up BIG TIME

and yes you still have your friends...and we still care about you, which is why you need to know this... you've hurt someone who did nothing but care about you, and that affects all of us.

WAY TO GO!

way to be a jerk to someone who's intentions were only to love, as you said you would.

Nobody likes a fake or a liar...

Think about it.

Missing you

Ugh I knew this would happen.

I knew this would come after the fun.

No, our relationship is amazing.

It's as beautiful as ever.

I just miss you.

More than I've ever missed anyone before.

I love talking to you for hours at a time... I just wish we had more time to talk.

I love talking about the times we had.

I miss them.

like the time when we were laying with each other just looking into each others eyes and we fell asleep.

that was the longest and best nap I've ever taken just because it was with you.

I love how when we finally did wake up we just layed there and talked.

and when we played it was like we were 7 I loved playing with you.

You would tickle me and I would tickle you. we would give each other a hard time, and just have fun.

I remember listening to music with you, paying attention to every lyric and noticing how much our feelings related

to the songs.

I miss your hugs.

they are so much more comforting than anyones.

Not because your better at giving hugs, but because its a different kind of love I get out of those hugs.

I miss holding your hand when we walked around, and always having you there right next to me.

The car rides we would take, when I would drive and tell you about everything, and you would just smile and keep your hand on my leg.

I miss every look you have ever given me, I miss every touch. I miss everything about you.

I can't wait to see you this summer. It's going to seem like forever getting there.

but once I do, I know I will be alright, because I will finally be with you.

the guy I love.

the guy I would do anything for.

The guy that never wants to hurt me, and always lets me know how much he cares.

I love you, and It will be great to be in your arms again.

the beginning

ah so I figure since its the middle of January I should probably update this thing.

I guess I'll write about my winter break since its pretty much the highlight of my year so far. It was totally the best way to end 2007. and Yeah that might sound gay/corny.. and yeah you might think I care?... but I dont care and yeah it is corny.

Anyways.

so this year when my mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas my reply was.."to go to Idaho and see Cameron."

of course being MY mother.. she was not down with that. So she made the suggestion that He came out here for christmas.

I was pretty shocked that she would even suggest that, and I wasn't going to ask because I was almost 100% positive the answer would have been "NO". However, she proved me wrong and I am glad. =]
So we worked out the technicalities and before I knew it the date was set for December 20th.. the Day cameron would be here.

Naturally it took FOREVER for that day to get here and the closer it got the longer it took. It was aggrivating!
When the day was finally here I was so excited It was insane!
That night My mom, Briea, and I drove down to Raleigh to pick him up at the Airport. His flight was supposed to come in at 11:10 it was a little late of course. I was extremely nervous. I don't think i have ever been that nervous before in my whole life! it was rediculous! He came down the stairs and it was so weird seeing him after not seeing him since August! We hugged and got his luggage and were soon on our way home.
We got to my house at about 1 in the morning almost 2, and of course we weren't tired at all. We sat up and talked and talked and talked all night =] It was great.
The next day We had school but bre and I didn't go (duh that would be dumb) It was the last day of school anyways. We were supposed to go to Stephens house that night for a Christmas party. We spent the day Showing Cameron Lynchburg, and The 5 levels of Heritage High school when School was out. We did some shopping, and Went to Brieas house until it was time for the party. Later that night we went to the party and had a great time He met stefan, sam, shintae, gregg, christy, and the parents of course. He was kind of shy but thats expected. we had a great time! We took Briea home and went to my house. The next few days were spent spending time with eachother, talking, cuddling, driving around ect ect. It took me about three days to realize it was all real. That he was really here and we were really together and happy. =]
We went out to eat on Christmas eve at TGI fridays.. not the best place but it was good. We spent the night watching movies and cuddling. The night before we got introuble because We were watching superbad and we fell asleep. And of course we were watching it in my room on my bed so my parents were just like,.... dont do that again.. but really we didnt mean to. Anyways,
So Christmas day we watched grandmas boy and hung out at my dads new appartment. That was alright, The next day we were on our way To Georgia to see my family. I'm sure Cameron was extremely nervous but I was extremely glad he was there. We stayed in this really nice place. It was a farm and this HUGE farm house that is usually rented out by rooms, but since we were the only ones who wanted to rent we got the whole house to ourselves =] it was extremely nice! and we had goats, donkeys, Llamas, Birds, and a bunch of other animals as our neighbors it was pretty awesome =]. Georgia was alot of fun.
I had a couple firsts there, Like....

*First time trying Lengua (cow tounge)

* First time Trying Jack Daniels

* First time Getting shitfaced drunk

* First time waking up trying to remember anything other than trying to find the toilet to pee, the night before.

*first time Ray lasted a whole week in a good mood.

It was an awesome trip.

My family was kinda gay about cameron being there but I didnt care and neither did he.

We took tons of great pictures, Got really close, and had a great time =]

Camerons a sweetie.

We got back from GA and spent new years eve at brieas house with her family and their friends.

that was fun

Sneaking alcohol under her mothers nose but to the knowledge of her dad was sweet.

Losing my driving priviledges due to 2 extra people in the car.

Driving to walmart and Target looking for New year hats and horns...

Yeah it was alot of fun =]

The next morning we ate cereal and went home. We spent Camerons last few days together seeing movies, talking about live problems and memories, just talking about everything.

The night before he left we stayed up until 4 in the morning just talking about everything. What will change, what has happend, what will come this summer, next year.. ect ect..

we woke up at 6 the next morning and went to NC. Camerons flight was at 9:10 a.m. I walked him in the airport and we got his ticket, we had like 46 min before they would board so we sat in the security part for a while just holding eachother. He told me he didnt want me to cry so I didnt. He had to leave though, it was really hard watching him walk through the security knowing it would be at least 6 months before I see him again. It would be really weird not being with him after being with him every minute for 2 weeks streight. So Yeah I did cry a little but not alot. I stopped by the time I got back to the car. On the way home, mom got a speeding ticket... 78 in a 55 zone... yeah wreckless. I went to Brieas when i got back and hung with her, gregg, and Kristy. we hiked up to the LU it was great. I miss cameron alot. I miss the memories we have, and the times we spent together just looking into eachothers eyes talking without moving our lips. He's seriously an amazing guy. I know that is something that girls usually say about their boyfriends... but honestly cameron is different. Hes not just my boyfriend, hes my best friend. We trust eachother, we talk about everything, we are extremely open with eachother about everything. He's so different than any other guy. I love him.. honestly I love him.

that word is used so easily these days its not really a believable thing anymore...

and I really dont care if people believe me, I know what I feel. I love him.

I cant wait until we can be together again <3

I feel like this is the beginning of a new beginning.